By Brooke Cowart.
My husband, Paul, and I (and our 5-year-old son, Elijah) have been on a journey to adopt a child out of foster care for almost a year. This all started last November when I was attending the “Anything” (by Jennie Allen) women’s bible study. In a nutshell, it is this: “What if you told God you would do anything…and He took you up on it?” The anything prayer is the prayer that rocked our world. I told God the morning of the first bible study that I would do anything He wanted me to do. But I’ll admit that I don’t even know if I really meant it completely at that time.
As I was praying the anything prayer, I was simultaneously giving myself excuses to not go through with it if it was anything too uncomfortable or hard. We all wrote down the one thing we were holding onto the tightest-the one thing that would hold us back from our anything-and I knew immediately that it’s my son. Though I didn’t say it out loud, my wager with God was, I’ll do anything AS LONG AS it doesn’t interfere with my son, AS LONG AS it doesn’t take time away from him, AS LONG AS his life remains comfortable and easy. I even wrote down a long list of things that I was willing to do, almost like a hint to God: “Choose one of these! I can do any of these things.” I look back and laugh at myself now for thinking that God would actually take my advice. God has a way of shaking up our neatly packaged lives if we let him. And the shaking up began that very day.
I saw a photo of a 16-year-old boy waiting for a forever family and I was nudged in a way that could only be explained by God. Adoption had never been on our radar as a possibility, but He made it clear to us that this was our anything. It has been a long process and already, our hearts have been broken. In the 9 months it took to open our home, the now 17-year-old boy we had desired to be our child, who had grown in our hearts, who we had hopes and dreams for, chose to emancipate himself from his group home and refused adoption. We prayed for God to make it clear how we were to move forward and within weeks, we were matched with a 12-year-old boy.
God-willing, we will meet him next week and he will soon be coming to live with us. As excited as we are, we are equally nervous. This child has experienced unthinkable things in his young life. There are going to be issues that feel so much bigger than anything we can handle. I cannot tell you how many nights I’ve lay awake thinking, “What are we doing?! We are crazy! We are so not equipped for this.” And God always reminds me of this verse:
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 2 Corinthians 12:9
We don’t have to have it completely figured out. We don’t have to have every answer before we take the first step. We just have to be a willing vessel.
I challenge each of you to ask God what He wants you to do…and be prepared to be surprised! This is so beyond what we feel capable of doing, but we are doing it because there’s no way we are going to miss out on what God has for us. I don’t want to look back on my life and remember how easy or comfortable it was. I want to know without a doubt that I didn’t miss God’s best, even if it’s hard or scary. Don’t let fear stop you from missing out.
I love the line from The Chronicles of Narnia about Aslan: “Safe?…Who said anything about safe? ‘Course he isn’t safe. But he’s good.” I feel this is so accurately represents God in His sovereign love for us. It doesn’t always feel safe to step out into the unknown places He calls us to, but we have the assurance that He is good through it all.
Brooke Cowart has been attending Grace Hills Church for 3 years. She lives in Rogers with her husband of 10 years, Paul, and their 5-year-old son, Elijah. She plays bass on the worship team and volunteers in the preschool classroom. She is a professional photographer and stay-at-home mom.